Note: This piece is fictional and is part of our satire section, A Reflective Laugh. Many of our pieces are inspired by real-life experiences and ideas submitted by our community, using satire to explore social and environmental issues. Through humour and wit, we aim to provoke thought, spark conversation and bring awareness to the complexities of the world around us.
In an era where manifesting your dreams is all the rage, many swear by the Law of Attraction—thinking good thoughts to draw in wealth, health, love and happiness. But what does science have to say about this mystical concept? To find out, I sit down with Dr Eden Empirical, a renowned scientist with zero tolerance for pseudoscience.
Empirical welcomes me into her lab, which is immaculately organised, with every piece of equipment in its designated place and not a paper out of order. "So, you want to talk about the magic of positive thinking?" she says, a smirk forming on her lips.
"Yes, that's right doc, many people believe that by focusing on positive thoughts, they can manifest anything they desire," I reply, bracing for her take.
"Ah, the good old Law of Attraction. It’s like a cosmic vending machine, right?" she says. "Well, when you sent me that email about this story, I started some experiments. I can show you some of those results now."
Empirical leads me to a row of plants under grow lights. "Here we have two groups of plants. Group A has been getting water, sunlight and nutrients for the last week. Group B has only been getting positive affirmations."
She tells me that her assistant has been whispering sweet nothings to Group B: "You are strong and capable. You will grow tall and lush."
As I walk between the two groups, the difference is obvious. Group A looks like it’s ready to audition for a gardening magazine, while Group B looks like it’s auditioning for a role in a plant horror movie.
"It seems plants prefer tangible care over sweet talk," Empirical notes dryly.
Next, Empirical and I head over to the jars of rice her team has been experimenting on. "For this experiment, we carefully placed three jars of rice inside this incubator to keep the temperatures consistent," Empirical explains.
"Group A rice has been serenaded with daily affirmations for the last two weeks," she continues. "Stuff like 'you are the grain of my dreams' and 'you're so rice, you make sushi look cheap.'
"Group B rice received the neutral statement, 'this is rice,' while Group C rice got an earful of 'you’re worthless, just another dirty human that the planet should flick off its back like fleas.'"
I open the jars and find that all three jars have identical levels of mould.
"Turns out rice doesn’t care about our motivational speeches," Empirical says with a shrug.
Debunking myths
"Let’s get serious for a moment," Empirical says. "The Law of Attraction relies on anecdotal evidence and survivorship bias. You only hear about the few lucky ones who 'manifested' their dreams, not the millions who are still sitting in their living rooms, vision boards covered in dust, wondering why their dream car hasn't arrived yet. It’s like saying, ‘Hey, buying lottery tickets is a brilliant financial strategy!’ just because someone, somewhere, hit the jackpot once.
"But doc, isn't there some quantum physics that supports the idea that our thoughts can influence reality?" I ask, trying to give the Law of Attraction a fighting chance.
"Quantum physics, huh? The last refuge of the pseudoscientist. Sure, particles behave differently when observed, but that doesn’t mean you can think a sports car into your driveway," she says, shaking her head. "If that were true, I’d have a Nobel prize, my husband would be cooking dinner each night and there’d be a trail of rose petals leading to a bubble bath right about now. Real quantum physics powers your tech—quantum quackery powers conspiracy theories."
The data on positive affirmations
While Empirical's experiments might burst the bubble for those who cling to the magic of positive thinking, don’t worry too much. Some scientific studies into the efficacy of positive affirmations do offer a glimmer of hope. For example, studies have explored various aspects of positive affirmations and their impact on both mental and physical health:
- Research has shown that self-affirmations can improve cognitive performance under stress by reducing cortisol levels. This effect has been observed in both academic and workplace settings, where individuals who practiced self-affirmation performed better on challenging tasks.
- Studies indicate that positive affirmations can promote healthier behaviours, such as increased physical activity and better dietary choices. By reinforcing personal values and self-worth, individuals are more likely to adopt and maintain healthy habits.
- Self-affirmations have been found to buffer stress and improve problem-solving abilities under pressure. This stress-reducing effect is linked to the activation of brain regions associated with self-processing and reward.
Despite these promising findings, it's important to highlight that positive affirmations are not a magical cure-all. Their effectiveness varies depending on the context and individual differences.
Keep believing in yourself
As our interview wraps up, Empirical offers some sound advice: "Believing in yourself is great. It can motivate you to take action. But just sitting around thinking good thoughts won’t change anything. You need to combine that positivity with effort and practical steps. Otherwise, you’re just daydreaming."
For those who swear by the Law of Attraction, Empirical has a request: "If you ever manage to manifest a man who recognises that women in STEM aren’t just ‘breaking barriers’ but redefining the entire field, do let me know."
SUBMIT TO OUR SATIRE SECTION
Kia ora, yá'át'ééh, hola, tânisi, namaste, marhaban, nǐ hǎo, olá, zdravstvuyte, konnichiwa, sat sri akal!
We are always looking for new ideas and experiences and would love for you to submit to our "A Reflective Laugh" section. We seek content that tackles social or environmental issues with a hefty dose of satire. Social issues can range from period poverty and world hunger to tongue-in-cheek takes on the human condition and our place within the world.
If you have an experience you wish to share anonymously, this section is the perfect platform. You may choose to add your own byline or keep the piece anonymous—it’s entirely up to you. We can either write about your experience on your behalf or you can submit your own work. Our goal is to make the process as easy as possible for you.
Please email editor@thelovepost.global with the subject line "A Reflective Laugh" and we'll send a submission form your way!
