Note: This piece is fictional and is part of our satire section, A Reflective Laugh. Many of our pieces are inspired by real-life experiences and ideas submitted by our community, using satire to explore social and environmental issues. Through humour and wit, we aim to provoke thought, spark conversation and bring awareness to the complexities of the world around us.
I'd like to tell you about the most harrowing experience of our time: reverse racism. Yes, you heard it right. Forget about systemic inequality, centuries of oppression, and institutionalised discrimination—let's talk about how I, a middle-class, middle-aged White man, am facing the greatest injustice of all.
It all started when I applied for a job and didn't get it. The horror! The company had the audacity to hire a Person of Colour over me in the name of diversity. Clearly, this was an attack on my whiteness, not a reflection of the company's commitment to creating a diverse and inclusive workplace. They claim that diverse teams are more innovative, better at problem-solving and can connect with a broader range of clients. But honestly, I have a beard and can wear a suit—what more do they want?
At the interview, I was also told that I couldn’t say certain words. The indignity! Imagine being told that using racial slurs is offensive and not just good ol' boy talk. It's as if words have consequences or something. Preposterous!
The issues are deep and go beyond my job interview though! Let’s not forget the tertiary admissions process. When universities strive for diversity, I say, “Reverse racism!” They call it affirmative action, but I call it an infringement on my right to be accepted based solely on my privilege… I mean, merit. They argue that affirmative action helps level the playing field and provides opportunities to those who have been historically marginalised. But where does that leave me?
And what about those “Black Lives Matter” protests? Don’t all lives matter? Of course, they do. But mentioning Black lives specifically feels like a personal attack. Why can’t we just say all lives matter and ignore the historical context and ongoing struggles of Black communities? It’s much more comfortable that way.
Now, some of you might argue that reverse racism doesn’t hold water because racism requires power dynamics and systemic support. But I ask you, where’s the fun in historical accuracy and social theory? I prefer to stick to my personal anecdotes and feelings because they’re much more reliable than decades of research and lived experiences.
Experts and scholars often point out that reverse racism isn’t a thing because marginalised groups lack the power to oppress White people in a systemic way. But what do they know? I have over 500 followers on Instagram, and my echo chamber agrees with me wholeheartedly.
To those who say I’m blowing things out of proportion and misunderstanding the true meaning of racism, I say, “Pshaw!” Who needs definitions and facts when you have a strong sense of entitlement and an unfounded belief in your own victimhood?
While the world grapples with genuine issues of racial inequality and injustice, I will continue to champion the cause of the much-maligned White man. Because if there’s one thing we need in this world, it’s more people like me fighting for the right to be mildly inconvenienced.
To all the people out there who feel me, may we bravely continue to confuse privilege with oppression, entitlement with injustice and our personal anecdotes with universal truths. Onward, my fellow reverse racism warriors. Onward! It is our time to shine!
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Kia ora, yá'át'ééh, hola, tânisi, namaste, marhaban, nǐ hǎo, olá, zdravstvuyte, konnichiwa, sat sri akal!
We are always looking for new ideas and experiences and would love for you to submit to our "A Reflective Laugh" section. We seek content that tackles social or environmental issues with a hefty dose of satire. Social issues can range from period poverty and world hunger to tongue-in-cheek takes on the human condition and our place within the world.
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